OK, i am FREAKING OUT. the scale says 14...7! ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY SEVEN POUNDS. i am so fasting. for a long time. i had sum boiled eggs whites and an apricot yesterday, and suddenly i gain six lbs? no! i will lose them back and get under 130 again! because guess what will happen if i gain eight more lbs. back to square one. and so that's why i cannot eat at all. none. i am already fat and disgusting! why do i need to add more to it? i mean honestly! i am a thirteen year old fat ass who cant say no to food and drugs. why???? it just seems so stupid! why am i resisting it this time? last time, before Cole found and read my thinspo notebook and monitored my eating closely, i had gotten so wrapped up it was like i was in my own personal bubble. nobody could reach me. and now everyone is infuencing my opinion and my goals. not anymore. i will starve. the scale never lies. i think its a sign, telling me to do more. and so my day shall be planned like this.
7:00- 10:00- tv
10:00-11:00- look for thinspo
11:00- take the cleanse
11:00- 3:00- make thinspo videos from thinspo i found
3:00- 7:00- mysterious stomach ache. be convincing.
7:00- rest of the day- be immersed in the internet
getting high is always in the plan.
do you think that someone can be addicted to pot? and i have a question. if the government calls it cannabis, why are we arrested for possesion of marijuana. when we were all seven years old, we all though"imma never smoke! imma never drink! imma never do drugs! imma eat healthy." well guess what, i aint seven years old. i dont know how your gonna take that though. nobody really likes the fact i smoke. i cant help it. it makes everything more fun, it releives pain, makes you nicer, and helps you get in with the people you know you want to be in with, the cool people who always seem to be trippin but still, if they would just speak to you, invite you to sit with them, and actually become you friends, you cant tell me you wouldnt at least take one hit. and then the feds have an issue with california having legalized it, they raid medical marijuana dispenseries. thats someones medicine guys! anyway, this blog isnt about weed, it should be  more about anamia, but we all know i am stumbling.