style

i have decided that for a boost of confidence, i would change my style. ive gone from goth, to blah, to laid back grunge, and i relised something. comfy clothes, while baggy, hide the weight you lose. i am down to 132.4 . I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY. all i need to do is not eat. so far i have had...
a peice of gum. trident gum. and it tastes so good.
        Because today is friday, i think i am going to go on with the friday tradtiton of getting trashed tonight.  before you say anything, i have good news. the good news is..i stopped smoking cigarettes. i told cole i dont want any more, except when i am stressed out. so, i havnt had one in a long ass time. i feel good without them. i can feel an improvment in my lungs.
           Jeff is suspicious of my eating. the last time i saw him i had 70 calories of chicken noodle soup and purged. when i came out he asked if i thought i was fat and if i threw up a lot. or if i made myself throw up..so i had a 200 calorie sandwich, and purged, air freshened, and practicly scrubed that bathroom clean! i cant starve near him, and i cant purge! i will not let him ruin this for me AGAIN! my entire life he has called me and my brother fat, and when i finally decide to do something about it, i get chastised for it!
       i have decided that i am going to change the blog. the pink layout is kind of a temporary thing. i am not changing the layout. i hated the last one. it was waaaay to crowded. it needs to reflect me, but every second me seems to change. an ounce less or more, a mood change, a new favorite band. but i have found my two favorite bands. Paramore, and My Chemical Romance. A Day To Remember is my favorite metel band. and ludacris, eminem, spider loc, and 50 cent are my favorite rappers. see? always changing. my style is definatly unique, but i want it pegged down. i want me to be reflected, every aspect. i hate it.
            i have to do some shopping for school soon. i need to lose more weight!! I NEED TO LOOK BETTER BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. i relized that the day for the first impression isnt hte first day of school, its the day you get your schedule. which for me is either the 12th or the 13th.
              someone asked me if i was going to quit when i reach my goal weight. i dont have a goal weight. because, what if i am still fat when i reach my goal? i am going for thin. delicate. frail. a damsel in distress (haha. like i cant take care of myself) i am going for.. ribs. my collar bone is starting to show, and you can start to see a triangle in my torso from the top of my rib cages, and when i stretch, you can see them through my skin. i thin 125 should have them showing.
                  Isnt it amazing? how i have gone from 158.8 lbs to 132.4? do you know how much weight that is? 26.3 lbs. and i am not even done. i am not stopping anytime soon. ever. untill i reach who i want to be, i am going to keep going, taking every risk that comes my way to become thin.