safe

I AM HOME.

my brother, terry, sarah (coles girlfriend) and my mom are all here on this beautiful easter. i knew i needed to be here, i am so glad i can be. my mom made all of us this big easter baskets filled with candy. i am trying to be strong in my diet but its hard to hide that from my mom and brother. i cant just not eat near her, or my dad. i need help with this, and with my mentality. i am trying to stick 2 700 calories a day for a full week, but its hard when you are just starting out. i am constructing a diet MEAL PLAN to get me ahead in the diet and to hide it well. is it true that the more you sweat the more i lose? because i had this plan...

i dress in a thick black hoodie and pants and go into my moms van and crank up the heat, and because if do that now (beginning of spring... hot as hell.) i can lose at least 5 lbs. five is enough to start. five glorious pounds. i am just needing to lose a couple pounds then the ball will get rolling and if i can lose five AMAZING pounds, i will have the strength to continue. i am starting to throw up all the food i do eat, if i eat at all to give me an edge. i know this is unhealthy. i know people think its wrong, but it isnt your life i am wrecking, its mine. i know something else i need to do, stop blaming my horrible life on why im gaining weight. i am gaining weight because people think food help, and it doesnt. it makes it all so much worse. no more food then. i am not going let it ruin my life. i am going to win. i will be thin, then thinner, then i will reach the point i need to be. 115 lbs. help me to reach it.

on another note, my old friend halley keeps bugging me. she wants us to chill more but i cant. she enver lets me have any new friends. ever. just because i am friends with her ex doesnt mean i am going to hate him because SHE BROKE UP WITH HIM!!!

wow, my blog is colorful. yippie. i am not in a good mood. my mom bought pizza and chicken cause we have family over. it smells so good but i cant eat any. fried chicken would take me over my limit.