apologies

i have to admit, i ate today, i dont plan on lying to my sisters. and thats what i have come to think of you. you understand me better than my own family. IS THAT SAD OR WHAT? that shows how pathetic i am. i am on the bottom of the popularity scale. i swear. my brother recently tatooed himself with a razor blade and an ink pen. i am going to MAYBE tatoo myself, but i am not sure what to get. this is permanet. this is going to be on me forever... but i want a tatoo because how BADASS is that? oh hell yeah i can do it.. but what to get.. if i am going to cut into my skin, im guna get it above my ankle, it needs to be worthwhile, and then i can brag and say, "hey i got a tatoo, and im thin, what now?!" ( i am getting this when i am thin, not rigt now)not really like that but sort of. i had to purge today. and i felt very weak. almost like i havnt slept in two days or like i ran a marathon or something. weird huh? well, because summer is almost here, i wonder what i am going to do. i love volunteer work, and i enjoy filling my time with something USFULL. such as the ASPCA or a Food Drive, or volunteer at my library because the illiteracy rate in my town is outstandingly large. i never understand why people dont want to learn how to read and write!! its the gateway to our language,culture and others languages and cultures.
i am tired of watching "pro-ana"videos on youtube. i want to be thin, and prettier than every other girl on those videos. dont get me wrong, i have a pretty face, but you know when you go on a date and the best compliment is "you have such a nice face." thats a way of basicly saying "your fat and i am trying not to hurt your feelings." i dont want that to be my first date.

My best friend Kaitlyn is worried about having her first kiss. listen, technically i have had my first kiss, but i am NOT going to count it. it was horrible. it was this year with a kid in my class. and i think that he should take some classes. X). but honestly, it wasnt bad it was just that it was unwanted, unexpected, and he ate some onions on his hotdog (me, him, and one of my friends went bowling and he got the worst smelling thing on the menu.) so yeah...

i hate admitting it, but i like someone. just a litta bit of a crush...

ok, he is an eighth grader (one grade above me. DAMN!) he is funny,cute, AND he is my art class, and we have a lot in common. he can make me laugh, and thats why i like him. a guy has to make me laugh for me to even think of dating him. the only problem with Austin is that he is a bit of a stoner. but that doesnt really bother me. its kinda another thing we have in common. LISTEN i dont get high often, but my brother is a pot-head, so its bound to rub off.

im going to a horse race today with, guess who.. my dad.. again. with ms. alison. again. she bought the concert tickets, and her company (the one she works for) gave her the tickets. so thats kind of gay that my dad cant get things himself. my dad wants me to wear a sundress. so i am wearing black pants, a yellow dress shirt, and black sandles. not a bad outfit. YAY. thats really the best i can come up with.

peace, love,and beauty

lets be thin together!