when my parents separated, the first major thing i did was start drinking. a lot. so much that is really is not healthy for a thirteen year old. first it was beer. then, when it wasn't a major issue, just a drop every month, i started on gin. Then Hennesy. Then crown royal. then, currently, i started on a very illegal drink. Moonshine. not too much. just three shots in one day, a week. last time i got drunk, it was two bottles of wine through two hours. talking to my mom. it was supposed to be one glass. then it was a bottle. then we got two bottles. then we were done. see, it isn't too much. but i know its not healthy. LOOK, MY MOM IS A GREAT MOM. we just all have a few flaws. her father was an alcoholic. and her mother. and their mothers and fathers. see? its genetic or something.
Before i moved out, i had my first taste of marijuana. i didn't get high, i was too afraid of being caught. but then a few weeks ago, i tried it again. and i was hooked. its expensive, but very good. it isn't as bad as the schools say it is. its a lot healthier than cigarettes. Before this, though, i had started snorting pills. nothing much, just some Tylenol... for starters. then i saw a painkiller my mom had given me for intense cramping pain. i didn't snort it, i just took it and went to sleep. i admit i have a problem. but, i don't want help. just like i am not going to get help for Ana/Mia. why would i need help? its OK for me. i am fine. i have no feeling anymore you know? when my parents dropped the D-bomb... my soul felt like it had been ripped out. then i was spiraling out of control, doing this dumb ass shit. then, i started to like a drug addict, Austin. and yes, i do like him. he has a girlfriend, and i know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, or.. you know. so, for my "safety" as some friends, family, and a few of you girls call it, i am taking my friends, maybe ask this nice band nerd Nathan. nice kid, not funny, cute. not austin. god i am in way too deep. i am stuck with absoluty no way out. a spiral of drugs, booze, and then...love? GODDAMN I AM FUCKED UP. i do need help. but i am not going to get any. i dont want any. any outsider could see i need it, but that means i would need to go ahead and say it. all my friends, family, and loved ones. what would they say.
"oh yeah, my kids in rehab."
no. not ever.
honey im not here to mother you or force help down you throat because hell i need help myself. but you do need something. youre heading straight to your death bed. and as much as tht sounds nice, you havent lived yet. can you imagain "oh yeah, my kids dead from od and alcohol." i think your quote sounds a little bit nicer thn mine. =/ but you will do wht you will.
ReplyDelete