NEW POST OMG.. and a story at the end? yay!

living in my personal hell, i have noticed things.
i have changed so much! instead of never caring, i am totally aware of what goes into my mouth. and yes, i purge. but guess what.. im still fat. fat fat FAT! i burn calories. i burnt a lot. running around a flea market. and cleaning out my new appartment. IM GOING TO HAVE MY OWN ROOM!!! im going to paint it robins egg blue. and white. and put up bright christmas lights! i need some place BRIGHT and cheery.
Hey ladies, i forgot to mention. if any of u have an AIM (aol instant messaging) my email me for my account. i wana b able to talk to you guys... not just through blogging. but blogging helps. i still hate my body, but i am noticing nice changes. for instance, my thighs are thinner. not thin enough to wear shorts, but yeah.. nicer. lolz, that is my main reason for hating gym. i jiggle. ;-( . ok, well i also hav to tell u that THE WEEKEND IS ALMOST OVER??!! wtf!! i am going to fast on sunday. or is it sunday already..?? my computer clock is slow. i am hopefully going to get internet access on my laptop at my lil appartment. i know. i am on my home computer.. which is a dell. if anyone asked. with windows 7. which (again) is awesome. have u ever had a crush on somone you saw on the internet? dont worry, your not as weird as you think. mine is comicfire7 on youtube. how weird is that???!! i got a random email on youtube asking what my hair color is.. which i am proud to admit is a bronze-sunny color. once again, id show u, but my camera is gone. and i dont know who reads this blog. what if its some creepy weird guy waiting for me to psot a picture of my legs.. or hair... eww. sickos. i never get that. but yet again. i dont hav to worry about cyber-stalkers. actually. thats not true. i had a forty year old stalker. i played this game called crazy tao, and that is basicly a japanese anime game in which u can make friends, levelup, GET MARRIED, jsut through cyber though. not for real. but i had this friend named derick and we got married on that game cause i had a weird ass guy who kept asking me to date him, and so after a while derick asked if i was willing to become jewish and marry him. for real. knowing i was only 12. CREEPY. but at that time i didnt know he was forty. till I GOOGLED HIS ASS. lucky for me he had a facebook account. now, he prolly was just like, 25ish. but that freaked me out so much i didnt talk to him. at all. ever. and so he hacked my computer. so if he reads this.. IT WAS ME WHO HACKED UR MYSPACE!!! yeah... i was able to do it once. lame ass password. but anyway. yeah u know. my face is kinda pretty... but yet again. unless ur thin, ur not attractive. or so my school says. SPEAKING OF SCHOOL! i figure i need to keep u guys updated on my life as much as possible. the end of the year dance. i thought id be thin by now. so im going to skip. like i skipped the talent show. i can sing u know. not like i am any good. a five year old can sing. so can an eighty year old. that doesnt mean we are talented. nope. no talents. other than eating. I've decided something. im going to stop drinking. and smoking. but.. there are some things i cant give up. ANYWAY BACK TO SCHOOL!! i am skipping the end of year dance because..

1. i dont have a date.. and that would be stupid.
2. all it is is a bunch of sexually frusturated teens dry humping on the gym floor. no thank u.
3. all they serve is cake.

well.. now that i think of it.. i can get all my nerdlings together and we can go and crash the dance. my nerdlings are my friends by the way. and we arnt nerd. we are just smarter than most of the school. and that is kind of ironic because i am failing ENGLISH??!! well, maybe thats because i call my english teacher (swartz) a life-sucking whore. and i "treat her like dirt." LOOK. there is a difference in treating someone like "dirt" (i could totally tell she would have said shit, if she didnt think id cuss her out.. which i am anyway) and not just sitting there like a good little kid, totally compliant! i am not one of her little zombies she can just push around and get what she wants. nope. as you can see, i have a very strong "character". that is the one thing i do like. anyway, the friends i had in minde would be..

1. Nathan (bruce lee)
2. Nelson (jet lee)
3. Patrick (pattycake)
4. Sam
5. Austin.. but he'd go with his girlfriend.
6. Alex, sams brother
7. Melinda, sams girlfriend
8. Mack(enzie)- one of my best friends.
9. and last but not least, kaitlyn eppard. my half sister. not really. shes actually my cuz. how cool is that??!!!

anyhow, this is a long as blog post. but, i need to keep you updated. im gettin my ears pierced. again. and over the summer.. maybe my nose. but id have 2 do that myself. did i tell u i want a tatoo. whe i am thin. on my arm, around my wrist. a tat of a red braclet. for some people who havnt looked it up.. a red braclet is how Ana's can recognize each others. and insribed on that red "braclet" i will have inscribed...

"an imperfect body reflects and imperfect person."

THATS IF I WANT MY ANA/MIA to be public.

have i told u yet why/when i became Ana? it was after i weighed myself one morning (158 lbs) and i started crying. i skipped breakfast. i skipped school that day. after "school" i went to food-lion with my mom. and i got my usual issue of seventeen magazine. and while i was reading it, they had a story on anorexcia ( i hate typing it. it makes it sound bad...) i read it, and they had a story of how a girl went online to "pro-ana" sites and found ways to lie to her mom. I DIDNT CHOOSE THIS BTW. im not a fake. just wanted u 2 know. i had always had a problem. depression runs in my family. i am depressed, and i think bipolar. i hate food, but i couldnt stop eating it. then other days, i didnt want any. for weeks (months and months ago.. before the divorce) all i ate was yogurt. i weighed 125. ANYWHO.. i googled "pro ana websites" and found one. prettythin.com (click the site for my profile!) and i signed up, looked around. saw thinspo that made me cry, and went onto the forums. and saw a profile believe belonged to a girl named unidentified victim.. anyway. on the question, she posted a link to her blog. and who do you think it was. Lemons. and thats why i rant on and on and on about her. she helped me so much in my... struggle. she made me relize that i am not alone in this, and i saw all the girls who supported her, and i thought it was unbelievable how many girls there are just like every single one of us. anyway. thats my pathetic lil story. you can post a reply to this. or whatever you want to do, but anyway.. yea. i know. how awesome is that! after i read her blog (this was before she even did her lemon seed fast) i made my own, and that is how you came to waste moments of your life, listening to a thirteen year old girl RANT on and on about her life. sad huh? i am still trying to find that magazine... HEY! also.. look at the FIND ME TAB (comming soon) to find me all across the web, if u care that much. but i dont mention ana on any others. nope. just here. on a little piece of my life that makes such a big difference in my life. in fact. i think it saved me.