aha found a song. i'm so sick by flyleaf. if you listen to them they are actually kind of thinspiring. i can now resist temptation. yester day my dad kept asked if i wanted something to eat. he MADE me eat a muffin and for dinner i picked out the lowest calorie meal i could find. which was lean cuisine spaghetti and parmasian chicken, which was really a breaded chicken patty some melted mozzerella, which purged i, along with the muffin. and whenever i was hungry i had a lifewater which is shockingly filling. my stomach is growling but i dont care. i learned why i am gaining more weight instead of losing. when you smoke weed you get soo hungry and end up eating TONS! so, that explains the extra long post last night. i was so depressed. and its true, i am still contemplating suicide, i always have. since things started going bad on the homefront when we still lived with jeff almost a year ago. and now, i am just sinking deeper. i havnt weighed yet today, but i dont think i want to. what if i like, gained weight during my sleep or something?
three minutes later
WOOOO! 140.2 baby! yea! im so happy, for now. now the goal is not to eat. which is pretty hard to do but yesterday felt impossible but it happened. maybe i can still lose enough weight before i have to go shopping for school clothes.
Remember that happiness that you have weighing 140.2 and keep that positive attitude throughout the rest of your life.
ReplyDeleteYou haven't even reached the best part of your life, its around the corner, i promise you that, i remember when i was in 7th and 8th grade, i cut myself so many times. i was just lucky that i didn't scar, now i look back and realize it wasn't worth it to miss out on all those experiences afterwards, fat or not, i still want to live. not to mention how you gonna get that first kiss if you off yourself?! :)
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