Anyone can have inner beauty. But very few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out.

i am going to be home for a while i guess. i can be here for today and tomorrow, which means, fasting and exercise. i am going to fast every wednesday and thursday if i can. i am going to keep up with my exercise routine. i can see a diffenence in my abs and in my thighs. they are getting thinner. anyway, i am going to try and avoid my mom and brother today. everyone is trying to feed me! i mean, yes you can see my collar bone now, but my definition of beauty is different then theirs! to them, beautiful is fat. to me, beauty can be summed up with a few small words.
.thin wrists- i can now wrap my fingers around my wrist
. concave stomach
.ribs
.thin thighs
i have acheived one of the four, but my arms and thighs need work. i did maybe 20-25 tricep dips last night, these are going to be a part of my routine now. i need toned arms and legs. being thin will save my life at school, more so in gym class. see, if you are thin, but not athletic, you are not harrassed. you are actually left alone. but if you are FAT and are not athletic, then everyone calls you fat more than ever.
i have a question for you ladies.. what was the moment that you relised you needed to lose weight? what was the comment that drove you over the edge? mine was last year when i was walking into my math class, and my thighs jiggled a little bit (still do) and i heard a kid named "ray" say 'sierra is so fat!" and laugh. i hurried to my desk and stared at my thighs.. then at my arms, then at my gut. i basicly looked my  whole body over, then i came home and got on the computer. i promised myself i wouldnt eat, but always broke that promise. then i heard about "pro-ana" sites from an artile in Seventeen magazine (i hate that magazine. full of people i can never look like.) and then i got on google. i found prettythin, and then i read something on the forum, and someone posted a link, leading to lemons blog, i read that and kept it in my mind for a week, reading everyday.  so next i just started to purge, and now fast and exercise.. to be honest though.. i wouldnt ever recommend anyone to want to be "ana". thanks to  my hatred for myself, i have an eating disorder. but yet again, if nobody cares about me why should i? who gives a shit if i drop weight till my thighs dont touch? thats my dream you know. i dream about tiny thighs with big gaps in between. i am so close. my thighs just barely touch now. as long as i keep the amount of calories i burn above the number i let go past my disgusting lips and into my gigantic gut, i should be ok. as long as nobody finds out about me. haha. i feel like a ninja. well, bye then.