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oh..my...god. have you ever heard the expression"shitting bricks"? yeah, well, i swear to god, if that were literal, i would have a whole house by now.
   for the people that don't know the phrase, its to be worried or scared by something to the extreme.

My REAL brother just asked me if i was sexually active. i cant really just say yes, because his friend was in the other room, but i don't want him to know! i do and i dont! i love my brother, don't get me wrong. i would kill for him, no lie. no question. i trust him more than any other guy. this is the brother that told me when i was 11 that if i ever had sex to use protection. he knew it would eventually happen, i just don't think he knew it would be so soon. he says he would be okay if i was, but i had to lie to him. i dont want him to know. if he knows, then mom knows. but if he knows..id be able to get what i need quicker.

i want to tell him, honestly, because i just feel like i could trust him enough, but most guys arn't trustworthy, so, i feel like if were to tell him, he would just tell mom, who would go on a murder spree. i will tell him when i feel like i can.

I feel bad though. and its not just the fact that today was totally HORRIBLE.i took my algebra exam, i am sitting next to this guy i have a small little crush on. i'm bloated, and having withdrawls. i need a drink, really, really bad.

have i ever told you girls how desperate i am? this year, i made a promise to myself that not only would i lose weight, i would also get a boyfriend. well, me and *D* arnt going to date anytime soon. he has a girlfriend. and a baby mama. who is one of my best friends cousin. i went up to my friend and was like "yeah, so im chillin with this guy right..apparently he knocked up your cousin." its just because its THIS friend that i was able to say that without her punching me in the mouth.

 i currently weigh 124.2, which means i have lost about four ounces tonight. i havnt eaten anything all damn day, and my stomach hurts so bad. i feel like its eating itself! but, if my stomach is eating itself, i'm still eating. but i want some ramen so bad!!! uggg!