dirty

        i don't think that i will ever get that feeling off of me. he is just way to good to ignore...
so, i failed in the whole goal of not having sex again. *D* is sort of extremely seductive. i really really fucked up last night though. but, its sort of hard for me to say no because i honestly want it, but its just that ancient battle of morality vs. hormones i guess.

          i am thinking about telling my mom that i need a few things.. condoms for one. because i am NOT getting pregnant. birth control, that gardisil shot, but, i know my mom would ask who i had sex with. and telling her its none of her damn business will NOT work. but, how do i ask her? its sort of a serious question..

          i gotta laugh a bit..you girls have read about my crushes, my parents divorce, my eating habits, and now my sexual activity. but, where else am i going to go? its not like i can tell my brothers. Hell, *c* is saying im to young to even date. thats insane! i dont date, but if he only knew what i did. both him and mom were crashed in the living room while *D* and i were in the kitchen fucking like animals. sorry for the graphic language, but i am really not ashamed. i just feel like a slut for doing that at 13. 13 is pretty young, you know? i mean, 17 would have been great, but 13? he says 18 is too old for him, but..doesnt he care about people being to young for him?

          i need to go shower and purge..ill update this post later (6:38 P.M)

(9:11 P.M)
          well...i said i would update it, but i dont think there is much to say. i feel dirty and..gross. i cant look in the mirror at all today. when i do, i see an ugly, fat whore. i prayed for god to help me say no to him, but yet the very same day, i let him do whatever he wants. i feel like, even though im through with him emotionally, it will take even longer to get over him physically.