118.6

i weigh 118.6. at least, thats what the scale said. i think the scale lies though. it gives me too low a weight. 118.6? in jeans, a belt, a tank top, AND a giant hoodie? not possible. that scale is broken. i need to use my friend *allycat*. yes, thats her nickname. so what?
i learned today that a friend of mine that used to be in my girlscout troop cuts herself. she used to be my rolemodel. now, i want to meet her again. i want to see if she's all talk or not.
(ten minutes later)
so i was just on facebook, and this guy (who i kinda like..i'm not sure. he's datin my friend Ibby (weird way we came up with that name). Ibby is so nice, but *Blake* is really nice too, he's jsut misunderstood, like i am. hes funny and nice and we have a few inside jokes, but hes a bit perverted. he has a few problems, apparently. he doesnt like himself. i can relate to that. but, why does he hate himself? hes liked by a lot of people, is decent looking, and can actually pass as intresting. hell, he's dating ibby isnt he? she wouldnt go for a guy who wasnt a good person.
he wanted to come over today. i think thatd be cool, except for his sister said no. i want to hang out with him a bit, but i can't drink or smoke in front of him. and i dont want to be alone with a guy. i feel like if i was alone with him, he'd just try to take advantage of me. yeah, sweet, pervy blake.
i think i might actually make one of my weight goals within the month. i really, really wanna be under 110 by my birthday. and i REALLY wanna be under at least 105 by the end-of-the-year dance. its formal, which means im going to buy a really nice pair of jeans, or maybe, if i'm thin enough, some black tights, a skirt, and a blue shirt. it just has to be sexy. i want to be able t wear sexy clothes. i never have been able too, but i feel like once i get to 105, it should be okay.
OH MY FUCKIN GOD. so this one guy, Ray, messaged me on facebook. we dont really hardly talk, so its kinda funny when we do. he said hes been meanin to come up sometime. i think he just want to hang out with my brother. that has to be why. i mean, i am decent, just not pretty. and he has girls telling him how cute they think he is 24/7. he has blue eyes and blonde hair. hell yeahhh. he is really funny though. but, no matter how cute he is, it violates one of my rules. he is the brother of someone who could very well be my big brother. .

so, this post is full of shit. all i talk about nowadays is boys,drugs,sex, and school. i hardly ever mention my weight. so, i told you girls i am currently fighting hard to get to 110. i am bulimic, not anorexic. i try to starve, but i always end up relying on purging. i need to change over though. this is soo fucking up my teeth and breath. but its all i know that works. exercising can be helpful sometimes, but it doesnt work fast enough. id rather throw up everything i eat, and then starve the rest of the day, go to gym class, run all day, then crash at home, to exausted to even walk to the kitchen