gone but not forgotten

i finally got my internet and cable hooked back up. YAY! okay, enough with the fake happiness and sugar-coating. how are you ladies doing? better than me i hope. ive gained. im back up near 130. it blows. i feel way to fat again and have lost whatever minimal confidence i did once posess.
 my brother and i are fighting way too much. he thinks im a bitch all the time when he is sooo perfect. my mom thinks the same thing apparently. this won't do. another thing i wont stand for is being threatened, like how my brother keeps threatening to hit me. i told him that when he does, i'll be gone the next day. and i will be, don't doubt it for a second. i can get out as soon as i need to. in fact, when autumn comes by, i can probably make around 200 dollars from just raking leaves. that is plenty for a bus ticket. also, there is all the mad husting money i can get, when guy gets out of prison.
speaking of prison, my beloved brother (not the dickhead i previously mentioned) is having a son in around five days i think. too bad he is in prison. i could use his guidance now. he could tell me what to do about my overly drama filled life, what to do about my alcoholic mother, and how to break into this guys house.
yeah, i am contemplating breaking into some douchebag's house. he's this complete man-whore that i lost my virginity to, blah blah blah. i actually let that go, i mean, after all, i only pretended to like it so he wouldnt feel bad about him having a tiny dick. but last friday, he called me a whore. which, will not fly. my friend *Nathan* had to practicly throw me into his car to keep me from cutting that little fuckers guts out. Nathan is a nice guy, a little too old for me. after all, he's like, 22. im 14.
I have a not-boyfriend that repulses me sometimes. he is so annoying. but i am going to a dance with him tomorrow. imagine that.
i can't believe i still have at least 20 followers. i figured you all thought id finally killed myself or something and just stopped checking the blog. well, i'm obviously not dead, no matter how deep i went. it took me months to relise that the pain and problems still exist, and on top of it, you have the scar to remind you about all the pain you were feeling at the moment you did it, which, if your like me, means you have a shitton of scars and therefore a shit ton of painful memories.
well, im not trying to write a book, so, until the next post my beauties