learning

i'm learning that maybe this girl that i hate so much...maybe she's amazing already. to the rest of that world. but to me shes just a few pounds to heavy. she could go with a diet and a hairdye. along with a new style. maybe if i were to possibly attempt what i want, i could get it. but its too much. i just can't keep motivated.
now that he wants nothing to do with me
again, i feel like ive just stepped into a broken heart because i still care about him so much. but now he's found another girl he's just going to string along. and me? ha. i'm getting hit on by my usuals. the guys lookin for ass. never in my life has anyone just wanted to BE with me! what? is it impossible for me to find someone who could maybe love me? not just sex. this guy, wasn't a perv. he never even shot for second base. and, he's still a virgin. and me? there's nothing special about me. ive been used so why not let everyone who looks nice use me too?
i know, its not a good policy. but until i meet someone who wants me for my personality instead of rockin chest, then, and only then, will i settle down. hahaa but whens that gona happen. is there really just that kind of girl that never does find someone, instead she just pretends like she has for the night, then moves on to the next?
or am i the first of my kind?
my weight is too high. my hair is too short. my nose is to small. my eyes are hidin by my awful glasses.
i honestly hate myself
and i'm learning about something that i hate about myself every single day
today? oh its my sunburn. and my inability to tell him i can't be his friend.