two less burdens

So, last night my mom and i sat down at our table, poundin down beers, and smokin some dannnnkkkk weed, and we played a game. every time the other would finish a beer (a) before the person who didn't (b) b would have to tell a secret that we havnt told the other about ourselves. it turned out pretty good. my mom wants to try heroin, and i finally got to tell her that i'm bi. you have NO idea how amazing it is to have someone who knows. and the funny thing, she is bi-curious. shes kissed girls and all that jazz, but never dated one because "they don't have the right equipment" and i had to explain to her thats the point of bein bi. you have to like both. and so she asked a bit and i told her about how i currently like a girl, but we havnt done anything. and she asked why on earth i had sex with that fugly dude a while back, and i told her the truth. i was drunk. i was sad. he was there, and he took advantage of that fact.

i havnt weighed myself today. ive been too busy gettin this guy to make up his mind on whether he wants to hook up or not. he is worried that ill mind the fact that hes older, when honestly thats the kind of guy i go for. hell, thats the kind of girl i go for unless she's mature. i'm not lookin to be a baby sitter.

my ex and i talked all night last night. from about 11 to 3. mostly about music but still. it was nice knowing he doesnt hate me. but now i'm even more confused. he hasnt said anything about "us" and is tellin me about girls askin him out, and so i told him ive got people intrested in me, which isnt a lie. and he was kinda happy about us havin lunch together. which sucks for him because i'm not ditching my friends for him. hahaa
eaten today: 1 piece of bread
1 hotdog
and thatll be all.
i found a rubber band that i keep on my wrist now. yeah, i went with all those generic pro-ana tips, and i swear this is the one that actually has some merit behind it. fuck how the people that say use positive reinforcement. pain works better. believe me.