Conscience

Today was awful as far as days go. When it comes to dieting though, its been a relatively nice day, except for two binges. One was on high cal. Chinese food, another was on a 90 calorie special k bar and 2 pieces of toast with butter. The first binge i took car of and i got back down to 126.6. That's right girls, I've lost five pounds in two days. That. Cannot. Be. Healthy. Oh well. I want to get down to 120 by spring break. Then I'm going to work on those last ten pesky little pounds and boom, I've reached one of my biggest goal weights. I haven't weighed that little since i was like, 10. That's huge! Not huge as in weight, but huge as in seriously epic. I cannot wait! It's like waiting for Christmas all over again. I sound so pathetic but at the same time, i feel like i deserve this. After all, i have only dated two people. That's pretty sad. I'm fourteen, and all the other girls i know have dated from two to 8 boys, and that is just a start. I was in a semi-relationship (flirtationship?) with this girl that I've wanted to get with for a while now, but she's got a boyfriend now and I'm just like "fuck it." If somebody's taken, they're taken. Don't try to fight it. It just end's up fucking you over in the long run. Trust me, i have learned this lesson already. D (first kiss, first everything, not a boyfriend) had a girlfriend that he'd been going out with for a while and he cheated on her with me. Granted, he hit on me first, but then my name got spread around in a ton of rumors. Luckily, those were put to a stop because i think they realized how ridiculous it was to believe these things when I'm..well..me. A chubby nerd-goth.
What is your inner dialog like?
Hm, well, i can't exactly explain it. Argumentative i suppose. I'm always in a constant battle with my conscience. For example, say i am hungry, but i know if i eat lunch i will want to binge for the rest of the day. 
Also, for the sake of humor, my conscience will here out be referred to as Jimminy. As in Jimminy Cricket, Pinocchio's conscience. 

Me: Ugh, my stomach is gurgling. Do i have enough money in my lunch account? Of course i do, its always full. Hmmm...
Jimminy: Don't. Fucking. Think. About. It. You bought your meal for the day. A slice of breakfast pizza and a fat free milk, remember? If you wouldn't have been such a porker, you could have just waited for your salad.
Me: But, my stomach! I'm starving to death! Just a little salad. It's not like i even put cheese or bacon bits on it!
Jimminy: Fine, do what you want Porker, its your cellulite.