morbo correptus

Thats not me, no matter how much i wish it was. Morbo Correptus is the name of my journal. Its latin for sickened. Hopefully the next journal will be called something kinder. Like Enlightened or Joyous (not sure what its called in latin). I pretty much write everything down in that because i can't get on here to write that much.

I have to go back to school tomorrow, seeing as how winter break is pretty much over. I feel like i've definetly gained weight over break, and i know i have to get back down to 120 or else i'm going to just gain all that weight back, and this suffering would be for nothing. The way people describe me is either "healthy" or "thick" or "curvey". I'm 130, again! Pisses me off so much. I get told i'm toned  but i hardly ever get told i am skinny. The only person who tells me i'm thin still maintains that i've got some roundness here and there.

My own father prefers me to be thinner. He wants me to weigh 110. So do i. He wants me to be thin and athletic and girly and a good little christian girl. i am none of those things. I have the shape everyone in america has. i can't play sports, i dress like a guy, and i'm an atheist. The thing is, i don't want to be the same shape as everyone in America. I want people to remember me as that thin goth girl, not that curvy goth girl. There are too many curvy goths where i'm at. i want to be different. Like the only real diamond in a group of fakes.