happiness hates hunger

hunger gnaws at my stomach and i am proud of it

my stomach growls in pain and i am ecstatic

i become thin and i am overjoyed!

i repeat that to myself over and over. i fell today, a minor stumble. i ate diner. i can get back up because i can do anything. ANYTHING. I AM GOING TO BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. I AM GOING TO BE THIN, PRETTY, AND SMART. i am going to be THIN. I am going to be gorgeous. i am not going to be a fat pig. i am going to be the most amazing girl in the world. i will show you that i can be. i am going to show you a before picture, an after picture when i become lovely, and that will be the best inspiration i could ever think of. i don't know who to share my joy with though. all i have is this blog and a big wish. nobody else is trustworthy. nobody else would understand my struggle. i cant get fatter and fatter. no! i refuse to. i absolutely refuse to weigh anymore than i do now. and when i do get to my amazing weight.... i will continue at a slower pace, then slower, but i will always be careful of my weight and what i eat. always. i can never,never, EVER weigh this much ever again. if i were to i would hate myself more than i already do. when i look into my mirror, i see a fat girl melting away into a translucent shell, and Jackie is smiling at me. She is grinning from ear to ear at the losing of weight. i am so so happy. but i am mad about my stumble. oh well, when your climbing a hill, you trip every now and again right?