reveal

i write poems about him, and he is always in my heart. sadly, its not Jerrick, as much as i want it to be.
its kind of sad, because its not austin eaither
or sam
or patrick
nathan
or nelson
its my old "love"
brian. the one that ripped my heart out remember? he has gotten my heart in his fist. and wont let go. i can never meet his gaze. i cant talk, or walk near him. i thought if i could distract myself from him, then hed disapear. but its as evident as the.. d-i-v-o-r-c-e, in my life. ive been hiding my heart. you dont even know the half of my feelings for this boy. for three years. THREE! his sweet, brown hair and eyes. his eyes have my utmost attention. in classes, he was in the front of the room right. ok so id walk extremly fast to get away. then he'd ask questions. just the basic "how are you"'s but still DAMN IT!! I HAD TO DEAL WITH HIM FOR ABOUT THREE WEEKS. i had to sit next to him. its funnt because people say that kids my age cant love. I THINK THATS SO UNTRUE. we can love deeper. we arnt cautious. a childish love. we play. we dont call love marriage. we call it emotions. and i dont mean those little high school crush 'i love you"'s. i mean that i think that its possible that you can love so, so hard. i have. and i hate it. it sucks right? i have had my first kiss, and relationship (never date your best friend), but i havnt had another guy feel the same as me. ANYWHO
. i have gained weight. but i am not in the 150's again
never again,
so, i have to go to chruch tomorrow. haha that sucks. i am not a religious person. if god were real, id have died a long time ago. my parents would be together.
and brian would be gone from my heart.
its pathetic!!!!!!!!!! i am the most pathetic person in the world! UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!! there went my happy mood.

so.. how was your day?