a new plan

  i decided the blog needed a makeover so i freshened it up a bit. turned out really nice too. i am also getting a makeover. i am going to change my style before the beginning of school... again. i am trying to base it kind of one Haley Williams meets grundg chick. changing clothes is fun for me.
CONFESSIONS
2 packs of ramen
9 hard boiled eggs. the eggs are really low calorie. the ramen i am am going to say is 360. so 360x2 is 720
720 plus another 154 is going to be a grand total of 874 calories! I kept it under 1,000 calories today! YES!this is awesome! my plan now is that tomorrow i have to keep it under 874 calories. so say i get 765 calories tomorrow, i hav to keep it under that the next day, kind of like when you step down from one pack a day, to 15,10,7,5,4,3,2,1 ciggaretts a day. then at the end of the day i am going to do a high resistance work out. we have a fitness channel. i picked up a few tips. nothing helpful. i am going to keep it short and sweet tonight. not beat around the bush.
i believe i have an addiction to marijuana. and alcohol. and ciggaretts.and i said that for honesty. my mom asked me if i am "ok with who i am." and i said yes. but i meant it more as in i like myself mentally. i know i have issues and i except them and embrace them. i'm fine with addictions. but i try not to get hooked on any onthers. like today a friend of mine offered me some Percosets.
Do i really have to answer the question i know you're going to ask? Don't worry, i didnt take them tonight, i had to snort one with "a friend". also today i talked to my older sister Anna. she is about 29 i would guess. she isnt really my sister, but she is awesome. but it is really hard to talk to you sibling when your high. i had just finished smokin some weed when he called. Jeff is picking me up at whenever the hell i feel like it. i dont have to do on the dumb dc trip. but i wont be able to blog for about four days. i'll write a little blurb before i go.

    have you ever felt like
he has your heart and won't let go
smirking as you do as he wishes
just to make him happy

have you ever heard
his voice in your head
making you go over
everything that went wrong

have you ever seen him
his smile disapear
as you get closer to him
causing you to call yourself horrid names

i have done all of these things
my integrety long gone
leaving me as just
an empty shell from who i was

no memories more vivid
no faces more livid
that that of the night
you told me goodbye

so i big you adiue
wishing you well
but i am actually really praying
that you burn in hell

i got bored. sorry
i might keep on adding to this post later. i feel like a faliure. its like my concious finally kicked in after i have made up my mind to not seek help for my issues. NOW is the time i am getting the "eat all of that food" looks. have you ever gotten one of them. i swear to god id rather look a shark in the eyes. i hate "the look." it never made any since to me that you cant stay out of other peoples way. family or not. i dont like the idea of anyone hindering me from what i can really be. bad idea or not.