fear

my fear is that more people will question how i have lost weight. a teacher already asked me if i have been eating enough..nosy bitch. ah well..im just sad, grumpy and disapointed in myself..what else is new.
i am sad because....i dont know...puberty?
grumpy...i broke my fast..though im starting back friday.(if i dont get a head start)
and disapointed because i cut again. SHIT! i was just thinking about all those calories ive consumed, and how ill probably never be loved by anyone other than my mom, brother, and people just pretending to love me so ill do something for them.
people who do know me dont even truely know me. they know the carefully built up impression i want them to have of me. really, as you girls know, i am not that threatening, im kinda sweet, kinda sour, and mentally disturbed. im kinda a sour patch kid mixed with a hint of Chuckie..
thats carrying around extra weight like a pack mule..so i cut above my ribs, and it hurts so bad, i might have gone too deep...ah well, itll leave a scar, and scars can go away with scar cream. there seems to be something in society to get rid of everything you hate about your body...