me! yay!! i have a picture from when i was 158.....ive gotten thinner (and prettier..) since then, also, i had a horrible sunburn. but now, i am tanner, thinner, prettier, and i am flirting a lot more..and the flirts arnt being ignored...
though i do not have a boyfriend yet. but i will..."drummer boy" is number three on the list of guys i like. number two would be *jake* is the guy i have been flirting with the most..the same guy i sniffed smarties with...not my proudest moment. number four is *TJ* is a skater, an artist (he is in my art class..and is totally awesome!!) but he likes country music....so there is a bit of a letdown there....*cory* is a bit of a badass...doesnt wear his smelly leather jacket all the time anymore, and is really cool. though he does have a lot of acne...but i cant judge. i have a pimple on my right cheek, though its going away. number one is still...*sigh..* Austin. i cant help it...he makes my heart do backflips like its saying "its him! its him!" and i missed my chance to see him...i guess i am going to have to find a way though. when i want something, or someone (non sexually of course.. :P ) i am pretty relentless. the only guy who hasnt talked to me a whole lot (though i really really want him to) is probably the coolest guy ever, though i do not like him. but its him who is stopping me from going up the social ladder here....but ill find his weakness soon enough, attack it, and have him liking me (as a friend) before we know it.
today was my first part of Algebra 1 (part one)...and i am writing this post so i can blow off homework. i hate homework. i refuse to do it, and i refuse to do FrAcTiOnS for like, the eighth year in a row! ug. and besides..all im supposed to do is try it..i can write down wrong answers.
i blew my two and a half day fast for three chicken nuggets a spoonfull of mac n cheese, and some skim milk. megs made me buy lunch, its not my fault...yes it is, stop pretending like its not your fault..thats how i got fat in the first place. "ive come too far to take orders from a cookie."
today was so boring...and so depressing. i am 125 now..which means 124 tomorrow morning. i wish i could just scream it to the world and say "HEY, I AM NOT SUCH A LARDASS ANYMORE!!" though i cant.. like today, i tried on my super tiny skinny jeans from last year, (size....i have no idea...ill edit the post later and delete this dumb shit part..) and now they are baggy and comfy. last year i was a size 12, 13, this year, im like an 11 or ten. its pretty awesome. though i couldnt say a word. its like being in a secret underground cult or something. which is what some people consider pro-ana to be. a girl killing cult. and its not! not all of us are "wanarexic" ... maybe those people should think to themselves.."these girls dont want to feel alone anymore.." i dont want to be hungry, and alone. now im hungry, and i know there are hundreds, THOUSANDS of girls (and guys) like me.
my friend megan asked me what the problem was.."nothing. Nothing is wrong, and asking is against the rules. Crying is against the rules. You're strong; don't let them break you. They're trying to destroy you" i remembered that quote as she asked that question, watching me pick at my food. so i told her i was just tired. im such an amazing liar.
i am always extremly dizzy nowadays...must be sleep deprivation.
JOIN THE NEW GROUP FAST "TURN A NEW LEAF" i posted the link in my last post (click "the midsummers night fast (blog?) ) and so far there are maybe....3? 4 girls who joined..its a great fast, the people running it are awesome, and its got one hell of a blog layout.
speaking of layout, i hope you dont mind the screamo, if so, tell me, and ill add some better songs.
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