torn

worst day of my life, of that im sure. at least so far this school year. today, i went to school, i wore the wrong shirt (made me look like a cow) i didnt get to brush my hair, or really take time on my makeup, which makes this already sound like a very petty day. for the girls like me who hide behind baggy pants, jackets and makeup, having those ripped away from you by the violent disturbance of an alarm clock in your ear, catching the bus with your lipstick smeared, feeling like shit, unable to go home, and relizing how FAT MY ARMS ARE!!! is not a great day. the only thing that i can consider good is my fast is going well. nothing to eat for me today. during lunch i went to the bathroom and sat in a stall, crying. by that time i jacked my friends hoodie to cover my arms. i will never wear anything that makes me look fatter. i need stuff to enhance my (not) thinness. ha! what thinness? im a fat cow, and people will do anything to keep me from getting thinner. the nurse was like "youve lost a lot of weight, have you been trying?" so naturally i said no, and that i hadnt noticed. i never notice. im as fat as i was monthes ago. no matter what the scale says, im 158 still. they just reset the scale to make me think i was losing weight....because i did start losing more after cole found out...maybe he is the one doing this. the only teachers who have commented on my weight loss have been teachers, not students..hm. i guess this means i should lose more. i mean, ribs are kinda visible, but maybe thats because ive gotten taller.
i know i sound insane but this is what runs through my mind when im fasting, and it only gets worse. for example, can water ever have calories? and can touching high cal foods let the oils seep into your skin? and did you know toothpaste does have calories, though you dont ingest them. seeing as how you dont eat toothpaste. semen also has calories, but as long as you dont swallow your in good shape. yes, i said it. 15 calories per "serving" so girls, that may fuck with your fasting...but im thirteen so those are 15 calories i wont be engesting anytime soon :P. but then i have to ask, how can i convince people to leave me alone. are there any exercises to burn fat off my arms? oh, and girls, i got this assignment, and basicly, its an article about how unhealthy kids meals no longer have toys in them in a certain county. the healthy kids meals have toys, but the fattening ones dont. what do you think of that? should they take the toys from the kids? or should they educate parents. i think both. both need education so they dont turn out like fat cows (i am exhibit A in that case..) like me, fat clinging to their bodies when all i want..is to be thin. light as a feather, skinny as a rail....