20 reasons to smile

cigarettes!!! i got a new pack today. newport blues. blueports!! hell yeah. i love them. they curb my appetite. its another secret i keep from my brother. my "big sister" gets them for me when i get the money. and i got 15.25 this weekend. 5.25 was spent on the cigs, ten on weed. i know, i know. i'm bad, arn't i?

     speaking of grass, i got a new bowl today. its a greatful dead bowl. freakin sweet. i'll post pics later.

i (sort of) got a cell phone. i just need to "earn" my phone card. its a shitty pay as you go phone, but still. its better than nothing. i'd post the # but i'm not sure if any of your girls would even talk to me. i know im pretty fucked up. gettin high, binging, and cutting myself are all issues. i stopped cutting though. my wrist and lets are really fucked up.i'm waiting for the scars to fade...

     i have developed a little crush... his middle name's ray, so i'll just call him Ray. Ray is my brothers friends little brother. sexy blue eyes, sexy blonde hair, hes not fat, but he aint small. hes fuckin cute. we keep makin jokes about goin out to iHop one night...i hope not. it'd be great to go on a date with him, but one, he is old enough to drive (hes 17), hes my brothers friends little brother...weird moment... and three, i dont want to look slutty. if D found out i was hangin with Ray, he'd probably call me a whore. but, he is such a fuckin man whore anyway, i wouldnt care about what he said about me. hes cheatin on his girlfriend, anyway. i know that if i were dating someone, i wouldnt cheat. at least, i'd definatly try not to. but four years is too big of an age difference to overlook.

     i was putting on my best moves though... and i was doin pretty good. he sat next to me, and we listened to my iPod together. but, we decided that to make sure the earbuds didnt come out, we should sit really close to each other. we didnt kiss, but i made sure my hand brushed against his a bit, or against his leg or something,

      Girls, i have assembled..the bag. the purse. the black hole. i have a purse now. and it carries my LIFE.  Purses intrest me actually. not the bags themselves, but what people carry in them. i carry everything i could ever possibly need. i think i will actually do a paper on purse contents for a english project. a research project on what kind of shit chicks carry with them.

     Well, goodnight ladies.