i'm so far away

i've been thinking recently. about running. running away that is. just up and going away one day. just disapearing into thin air. all i need is a small bag and some money. i just want to get out of elkton. i want to go as far as my feet can take me.
i never get anything right. i am selfish, stupid, and self absorbed. i am in pain. i am always in pain. i feel like my heart and head will explode soon. its like i shook up a coke bottle, and the bottle is about to burst. my heart is cold and hardening, then when something like my brother finding out i had sex happens (which it did), i just cant take it. if my mom wern't awake, id throw an apple and a bottle of water into my bag, and just go. no note, no calls, no me. just disapear off the face of the earth. im tired of having to hold all this in! nobody has a clue!
i feel like i am a lie. like i was put here for no reason. my big purpose in life is to be miserable my whole existance. i wish i could be one of the girls who like life. i wish i could be happy. but theres just something in me that knows its all just a giant lie. happiness is an illusion. what makes you happy could make someone completly miserable. and i am. i am miserable. i know that if i run i will probably be brought back here, or just die. i hope its the second. i hope i just die one night.