i am not an overeater

despite what people see on the outside, i am not a compulsive overeater. yes, i eat large amounts of high calorie foods, but, sadly, i am still stuck in the large binge and purge cycle. for example. today, i ate a pack of ramen, easily 10 eggs (only 4 yolks) two cups of dr. pepper, a medium chocolate milkshake, a large fry (both from DQ) a ton of mini pretzels, four 90 cal bars, and two twizzlers. but, i have lost two ounces. but gained a pound. which i know will be gone when i wake up tomorrow. i breathed a sigh of relief as i wiped the remaining vomit from my fingers, seeing those red numbers blink before my eyes. 127.6. with sweatpants and a tank top on. awesome. luckily, i will be at a friends tomorrow. i dont eat much when i'm at someone elses house. very little actually, and if somoene i like is there with me, you can forget it. all i will have is a few cups of water and maybe a sip of something else. and also, tomorrow i will be trying to act as nice as possible, so of course i will not ingest a single morsel of their tasty snacks.

the person i am hanging out with is a very, very old friend. she was there during my parents divorce, but ive gone through so much, so i sort of, kind of, definetly abandoned her. i didnt think about how rough her life might have been. sure she has friends, but she doesnt have a 2 am. and yes, i am stealing a quote from a book. a 2 am friend is the person you can call at 2 am, drunk, in a police station, needing someone to bail you out. or, in my case, someone you can call at 11 pm, when your parents are fighting, and when your dad slaps your brother. and then she got her mom to pick me up for about three days. she let me escape to her house. this girl saved me.

and i abandoned her.
what an aweful person i am


i need to change